The Lowest Point In My Life

Saying it out loud and then writing this post, I realize how bad of a place I really was.

We had just bought our “forever” home out a ways from any town or city, and I was a few months pregnant with our daughter. I had a full-time plus career working 60+ hours a week and keeping up with two small boys.

Our oldest was starting Kindergarten at the same school their dad went to as a kid. His mom would talk about how much she volunteered, so I felt there was an expectation for me to do the same.

I didn’t listen to my inner self and say no when I needed to or that I couldn’t take on one more thing.

My daughter was born via c-section, and I hurried back to work too quickly. I ended up having hernia surgery, but of course, I toughed it out a few years in miserable pain because I “never had time”.

Looking back, I was going through the motions of being married, having kids, a career, and all that I felt I was supposed to do. The truth was I was depressed and lonely. I wouldn’t let people get close because I didn’t want them to know how unhappy I was in my life.

When I say unhappy, that is putting it lightly….. I thought about suicide every day on my drive to work. If I cross this median to hit that semi-truck, would it hurt? What stopped me was the idea if I did make it, recovering while still being the breadwinner, taking care of 3 kids with a husband I couldn’t stand.

I would cry in my car all the way home every night.

The scary part was I had told a therapist I was seeing, he just said: “thats not good”. Well, no Sh**! I told my husband, and he said: “I don’t know what you want me to do”. I couldn’t expect him to understand how I felt since I didn’t understand it either.

I was alone and ashamed of myself for feeling the way that I did.

A woman I went to school with came up in my Facebook feed with her coaching and Living on Purpose Dinners. Watching her for a year, I finally mustered up enough guts (I won’t say confidence because I felt anything but confidence) to go have dinner with a room full of people I didn’t know.

No joke I got to the door of the restaurant and almost turned around, thank god it was June, so it wasn’t cold while I stood there contemplating. I had such anxiety not knowing what to expect or if it was going to be worth my time. The theme was on the book “Subtle Art f Not Giving a F***”, screw it I was going in!

It was incredible to listen to everyone talk at different stages of life, yet they were all their to empower each other in whatever way they could.

I was hooked!

Nothing in my life had changed, but I started to think differently.

The next dinner in November and even more empowering women! This energy was addicting and what I needed. The host of these dinners, Mari, was also a life coach.

Come January I signed up to coach with her, it changed my life!

The negative feed I had been telling myself she called BS and asks me, “is that the truth.”

We all need someone who can listen to what we are saying and see the truth in what is being said.

Read More at www.LifeWithKrissy.org